Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
