she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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