three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
