So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
