also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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