How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
