They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
