i think my tv is drunk
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
