My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
