hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
