He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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