grandma shit on top of the toilet
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
