people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
