Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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