all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
