hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
