It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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