if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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