break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
