So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Randomize
