I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
