The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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