There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
