Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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