Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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