I will die if light touches me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
