hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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