I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
