and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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