No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We're too hungover to prance.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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