Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
