We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
