I'm going to jail i love you
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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