he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
They left me at home... I'm a liability
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
