Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
