She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
