He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
