Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
