just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
