I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
