Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
