Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ketchup is God's man juice
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
