I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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