Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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