somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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