You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
