did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
