Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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