I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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