my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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