This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
