So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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