After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
