it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
