I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
