It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
